I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
We're too hungover to prance.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
