similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
