I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
