Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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