My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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