I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
