Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
