there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
