OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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