I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
