took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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