well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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