I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
