I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
