dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
