Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize