my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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