So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
So squirting runs in the family.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
