the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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