I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
