tequila makes me forget i have legs
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
