im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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