i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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