the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
