i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
