things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
nutella sex= disaster
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
