All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
