Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
