Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
