I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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