Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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