I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
