I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
