I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
