Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
