dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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