what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
