Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
