why didn't you poke me back
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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