please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
