We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
