I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
