And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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