We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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