upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
