his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
