What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Text me some of your sweat
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
