ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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