Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
