He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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