Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
