I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
