So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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