yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
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You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
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you made out with another girl for some wings
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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