Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
