areolas are like halos for boobs.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Randomize
