just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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