I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
he fucked my hip out of place.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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