Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
