Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
