how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
