I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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