my mouth tastes like poor choices
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Randomize
