I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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