I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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