I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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