so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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