they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS