Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just gargled with NyQuil