Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
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On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
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He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is