Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.