just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.