at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?