Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize