whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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